Advocacy with a side of Heteronormativity

One day after my shift, I went to tell a coworker something as I was leaving. “I actually have something to ask you.” she said, “(manager's name) told me you might know, but... if not...”. My coworker seemed a bit uncomfortable but continued on and explained that she was doing the section on LGBT issues in the next sessions of training and wanted help. We talked about issues, terms, resources, and our own forms/policies that are not as friendly as they could be. It was a fine conversation and I was glad to hear that there were issues she hadn't heard of but was interested in learning about it. I was impressed that she wanted to increase our availability and friendliness towards the community.

I have nothing against this coworker. As I said before she was trying to learn and advocate for a group that was not directly in her life; I am always happy to find an ally. I have always found her to be especially willing to work hard in order to do the right thing, so she's a good one to have. Our conversation got me thinking though. Here we were in the walls of this safe home with policies based upon the very social-workey attitude of 'make your own decisions, unless your hurting someone, we'll help you and not judge'. Despite the atmosphere of the shelter, she felt the need to all but apologize for thinking that I may know something about a topic. Beyond the quasi-apology she also cited a higher-ranking employee as the reason she had for asking me. She wasn't asking me personally about my identity or sex life, just looking for information to be better at her job.

The idea that I may be associated with or even knowledgeable about the community had her concerned that I would be uncomfortable or offended, and that is what made her walk on eggshells for the first part of this conversation. Supporting another group is no big deal, but to possibly be a member of said group is taboo. This taboo was shown by someone who's job it is to be an advocate to others. Even in this open-minded  atmosphere heteronormaitvity is inescapable.