Following the example of all those
go-getter lawmakers who have taken to practicing medicine, I thought
that I would take my turn at writing law. So at risk of reductio ad
absurdum I present my proposed legislation to protect the
pre-concieved.
Given that human life is sacred and
must be protected from those who would do it harm, we hereby declare
that the waste of pretential life a crime. For the purposes of this
document, pretential life is defined as a human gamete; the term is a
hybrid of the phrases: pre-life and potenital life. Being that a
gamete's purpose for existence is to combine with another gamete to
form a human; the careless waste of pretential life thus far in
history is a genocide of unmatched proportions. It is based upon the
principle of the protection of the pre-concieved that this law has
been written.
Fertility testing is mandatory for all.
The infertile are only allowed to have sex with each other so as not
to waste another person's potential contributions to the human race.
Sexual activity not directly affecting gametes is excepted from this
regulation. Those ruled to be infertile must prove that they took no
actions that may have caused the infertility or else be held liable
for the destruction of pretential life. Menopausal women are to be
included in the category of infertile.
No contraception of any kind is allowed
to be manufactured, sold, or used. While condoms have the ability to
prevent disease, the lose of the pretential life of many is of
greater importance than an individual's health status. It is also
recognized that other forms of contraception have other health
effects, but as with condoms the risk to the individual is irrelevant
in comparison with the risk to the pretential life.
From this point forward in this
document, the generalized terms of: men & women will refer only
to those who have not been ruled infertile.
Men are not allowed to “spill seed”
in any non-reproductive manner. Men are not allowed to use any
substance which may negatively affect their fertility or sperm count;
it is recommended that men talk to their doctors as certain
prescriptions may violate this provision.
Women are required to have appropriate
sex with a man during their peak times for conception; failure to do
so will result in criminal charges. Unless a woman has proven that
she is pregnant, she is not allowed to refuse the request for sex
from a man. Being that activities such as: masturbation and sex with
other women do not affect pretential life in a woman, these
activities are allowed; however these privileges do not exempt women
from their obligations as defined elsewhere in this document.
Followed the precedent that possession of condoms is evidence for
prostitution, http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/ny-advocates-condoms-prostitute-cases-16158623#.T5_RqdWAq0s the possession of “feminine products” is to be
considered evidence of intention to destroy pretential life. Women
are not allowed to use any substance which may negatively affect
their fertility or ability to carry pretential life to term; it is
recommended that women talk to their doctors as certain prescriptions
may violate this provision. States are allowed to set their own
pre-menarchy regulations.
While this law does not specifically
prohibit appropriate sexual activity while a woman is less likely to
conceive, local regulations may do so; it is recommended that a
person consult with a lawyer given the potentially serious
consequences to pretential life.
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