Enlightened Silence

Having become more outspoken lately, I find it odd that I am having more trouble expressing myself than ever before. This outspokenness has correlated with an increasing awareness of social inequalities and I think that awareness is what I find limiting.

It is not new for me to confront people about their homophobic or sexist comments. While I would like to convince myself that I was always aware of and bothered by derogatory comments directed at others, but felt that it wasn't my place to speak for them; I really don't think it is true. I knew that certain words were unacceptable but they just didn't mean a whole lot to me. I was taught to not use racially charged words, but rarely felt the same desire to challenge the language as I do with those related to sex(uality). Even worse, words implying class, sexuality, or ability were common in my vocabulary. In hindsight, I was mentally playing oppression ranking games which downplayed the issues that others face.

Farmer's tan/ Redneck: negatively implying that one works outside. By extension of this, the person is likely to be working class. Now granted being tan is acceptable and even coveted as evidenced by all of the many pale acceptance results that are generated by a Google search of “pale as beauty”. However that doesn't mean that all tans are created equal. Having tans lines following the pattern of clothing sends a clear message that you are outside not for fun, but to do manual labor. So we have terms like farmer's tan to distinguish the effects of being outside due to leisure from those due to work. A part of me is wondering if the need to distinguish between a work tan and a leisure tan has been a factor in the trend of clothing to get more revealing over time. For instance, I just bought a shirts from the men's section that were cut in the style of women's shirts from 5-10 years ago (Sleeves that would show underarm hair & a collar goes just below the V shape in the sternum) Maybe by showing just a bit more skin people can subtly prove that they have no tan lines to hide. This is definitely a racial issue as well, as time spent inside versus outside has more quickly noticeable effects in Caucasians than in other racial groups.

Suck it/Fuck you/That blows/many others: implying sexual acts as should be performed by the listener to the speaker as a form of subordination. It is very unlikely that in any given instance of these phrases being spoken that the speaker is soliciting consensual, mutually satisfactory sex. Instead the speaker is implying that one should be in the service of speaker regardless of the others needs. The speaker is saying that the listener is below them and worthy of not only a lack of consideration, but possibly a violent crime. Even when the phrases are not directed at a person, they are very sexually negative. 'Fuck it' is a way of saying that you don't care. Why would one talk about having sex with someTHING they don't care about? Because in this sense sex is used as a metaphorical weapon to distance oneself from something they can't handle. Admittedly these are the ones that I have had the hardest time trying not to use. While sex is not on my list of favorite activities, I respect that others enjoy it. The last thing I intend to do is to encourage people to use their bodies as sexual weapons against those who annoy them, but I am struggling to express frustration/dissatisfaction without being sexually negative. In trying to avoid these words I have found out that “I statements” as taught in elementary school by the counselor are the only other way I can express these feelings. This new nicer way of self-expression has made me feel more responsible for my negativity. No longer can my annoyances be projected on to a person or thing. To say 'That blows' is stating that your opinions are fact for which any responsibility rests with 'that'; while to say 'I don't like that' is to own up to one's feelings.

Lame/Retarded: implying a lesser status associated with having a disibility. Admittedly, I cannot even hide behind the guise of privilege blindness with these types of words. I grew up with a family member who has trouble walking and have seen mistreatment (usually subtle) many times and the hurt it causes. I am ashamed to look back at some of my actions regarding this since I should know better on this one. That is not to justify my use of other derogatory words as more valid because I wasn't directly affected by them; I guess it is easier to mentally give myself a pass when it comes to oppression I do not witness. Another ironic aspect to this is that I directly am affected by abilism. Granted, my epilepsy is largely invisible and I do not hear people saying 'that's so epileptic', but I still have faced stigma and should not be putting down those with physical or mental disabilities. I never considered myself to have a disability until recently and asking for accommodations at my last two jobs made me so anxious that I considered just dealing with it at the expense of my health and productivity. Again not identifying with a group does not justify stigmatizing them; this topic is hard for me because I am realizing just how many preconceived notions I carry around despite my proclaimed open-mindedness. If I can be derogatory towards groups that I should be supporting, what chance do I have to be fair to groups that I am not apart of?

For now, I will continue to try and be conscious of language. This means not waiting for someone to tell me that a word is derogatory; but critically considering what words mean and be especially weary of passive insults.